BrutalCompassion.org
What if true compassion starts with loving yourself?
Could there be virtue in selfishness, not giving a fuck, being a cunt, et cetera?
As you pay attention to your self, you may find this useful as your capacity to feel deepens, and old habits subside.
Losing my mind feels good, but I'm not gonna rage quit
I didn't feel like burning any more cycles on this.
Nov 17, 11:02:43 AM
Me
A number of both of your close friends and family have confided in me with concerns for your mental health. We hoped you might see it yourself, but maybe you’re a bit thick?
I think you’ve got a choice to make.
1. Continue to let misery and stress kill you like it killed Granddad and the entire Campbell family.
Or
2. Grow up and become an adult like your children.
Only you can help yourself.
Nov 17, 11:38:18 AM
Me
I’m fine and safe and happy.
Just want a bit of space.
Nov 17, 3:45:58 PM
Me
Don’t really feel I can speak calmly at the moment. I’m having some beers with friends near coco beach. You can just type stuff here.
Nov 17, 3:51:35 PM
Me
Or continue to remain silent. Again, you can only help yourself.
Nov 17, 3:56:40 PM
Me
Jesus fucking Christ.
Write something.
An emoji even.
Are you happy, worried, upset, do you love me, etc.?
Nov 17, 3:57:31 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds)
Dad
You know we both love you
Nov 17, 3:58:24 PM
Me
Ok good 😊
Nov 17, 4:01:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds)
Mum
I love you very much. I do want to talk to you. It’s hard communicating via text. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Nov 17, 4:04:59 PM
Me
I’m sure you can tell what I wrote was very hard to finally say. It comes from a place of truth and love and compassion.
I’m saying that if I speak I will be too emotional at this stage.
Are you ok?
Nov 17, 4:06:33 PM
Me
I do not want any more of our family to die miserable.
My recent journey has helped so much.
Nov 17, 4:10:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second)
Mum
I’m ok. How about you?
Nov 17, 4:11:13 PM
Me
I’m great. It’s a bloody good afternoon
Nov 17, 4:18:00 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds)
Mum
Let me know when we can have a chat. You know I get emotional too.
I love you. 😘
Nov 17, 4:21:09 PM
Me
Alright. We might be getting on it tonight. All good, no drink drivers here. I’ll be gettin the 50c train back home
Nov 17, 4:24:40 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds)
Mum
Ok. Be safe. Who are you out with?
PS You forgot to preface your text with “No offence” 😉
Nov 17, 4:25:19 PM
Me
My mate Billy and a few other ex work guys
Nov 17, 4:26:07 PM
Me
Getting back out there, end of radio silence, etc
Nov 17, 4:29:06 PM
Me
One dickhead is already trying to rope me in for programming work
Nov 17, 4:31:39 PM
Me
I said this has been a big year for me. Just feeling better in the last week. How bout you shoot me an email on Jan 1
Nov 17, 4:33:25 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds)
Mum
Only on your terms.
Nov 17, 7:37:29 PM
Me
Errr thanks for the lovely card 😂
Nov 17, 7:38:24 PM
Me
Please do not come around uninvited like that.
It freaks me out dad. You banging on my windows in the morning. I can’t relax in my own space.
Did you hear me say give me some space today?
This will be difficult
Nov 17, 7:52:42 PM
Me
I’ll drop you some stories hey?
Nov 17, 7:53:01 PM
Me
I said I’m telling the truth. Is it a porky or not?
Nov 17, 7:53:23 PM
Me
When you asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year, I said my usual line, "Mum, I really don't mind what you get me, I would appreciate a surprise."
You ignored me as usual and asked the question again. My mind, expertly trained in dealing with these uncomfortable conversations, flashed an image of a Wicked poster on a bus shelter I'd seen earlier that day. "How about Wicked the musical? I've seen it before, but it was pretty good."
"Leave it with me, son!"
I saw you a few times over the coming months. You mentioned how busy you were with the dogs and caravan and overseas trips, but assured me you'd find some time to purchase the tickets 'real soon'.
One afternoon in October I received an SMS with a link to some e-tickets: hApPy BiRtHdAy To YoU 🎶🎶
Great thank you!
Mum, you are the only person who tells me how difficult I am to buy gifts for. If you had simply tried or listened, you may have discovered I'm not so difficult at all.
Going back a couple of decades, I can't think of a gift I've received that had obviously come from dad's initiative.
Nov 17, 8:28:51 PM
Me
Keep chatting when you stop telling porkies hey?
Hopefully we can build trust. Through actions. Not words, and not what you think you are doing
Nov 17, 8:29:08 PM
Me
Good night. I love you
Nov 17, 8:29:39 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 49 seconds)
Mum
Love you too. 😘
Nov 17, 8:41:58 PM
Me
Life gets so much easier when you realise the people who said they’ve got your back, were actually holding you back.
Breathing returns, stress lessens, telling the truth is easy, smell and appetite return. Living authentically is a breeze
Nov 17, 8:43:57 PM
Me
Left: card from friend who visited me in hospital. He jokingly refers so me as son
Right: card from biological father left at my doorstep. Medium: rock on paper. Should have used scissors too!
Nov 17, 8:43:58 PM
Me
What’s ya fave?
Nov 17, 8:47:40 PM
Me
This story will break your heart.
Imagine how I felt!
Nov 17, 8:49:15 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds)
Mum
You can never have enough people who care about you.
We both love you deeply. We felt concerned about you today. Hence why Dad went to your place.
I’m glad you’re breathing and are feeling less stressed.
I don’t understand your disappointment with us but am listening to you and am sorry I’ve let you down.
Nov 17, 8:49:58 PM
Me
Let me down? Ok
Nov 17, 8:50:04 PM
Me
Thanks I guess
Nov 17, 8:52:15 PM
Me
Whoops wrong chat
Nov 17, 9:04:44 PM
Me
Dad, mate. Mum bullies you CONSTANTLY. It’s saddening to watch you get called names, hassled for being slow, or stuttering.
It’s very nasty behaviour.
It’s not true either, you’re fine.
Nov 18, 4:40:52 AM
Me
Dad, are you ok?
You deserve to feel safe, loved and secure in your own house. You should feel able to speak your mind without fear of being cut to shreds.
Sally is an incredible actress. She has an uncanny ability to plant ideas in your mind.
I hope you’re ok. Please let me know.
(If reading this triggers you, come back later and re read it again. You may see I am not speaking with malice, but with compassion)
Nov 18, 8:09:45 AM
Me
This is an audio book I can highly recommend.
It may save your life!
Nov 18, 8:10:34 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds)
Mum
Thank you 🥰🥰
Nov 18, 8:15:31 AM
Me
And also think about your childhood when reading this book, not mine.
It is sad the me, you, everyone around has has suffered so much.
Once we realise our good intentions may have had unintended consequences and affected others, we can move on a healing forgiving journey
Nov 18, 8:20:04 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds)
Mum
I’ve read your Stories.
Keep them coming. It helps me understand your feelings. I apologise, it’s only words I know but they are genuine words. ❤️
Nov 18, 8:22:06 AM
Me
Ok I will write one about dinner last week
Nov 18, 8:48:18 AM
Me
Interested to hear if you see what I’m putting down.
Or maybe I’ve become overly sensitive recently, and I’m overthinking things.
Nov 18, 9:04:18 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds)
Mum
I’ll have a read & let you know.
Nov 18, 9:12:48 AM
Me
I think this is a powerful poem about inter generational trauma.
I hope we can rewrite the final stanza together, with a more positive outlook
Nov 18, 9:16:41 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds)
Mum
Accurate.
From my perspective I didn’t want to get the story interrupted by the guy taking the order so thought if we knew what we were having this would be better.
Definitely not the time to talk about the broken buzzer. Point taken. I was thinking about if this happened again.
I knew the remark about your business was directed at me, I agree your health is No 1 priority.
Without your health you’ve got nothing.
Totally support your quest for exploring this.
Nov 18, 9:20:01 AM
Me
Quite an interesting article
Nov 18, 11:25:58 AM
Me
Can we meet at the park today? Across from Black Bean Cafe.
Would feel more comfortable there
Nov 18, 11:26:50 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 31 seconds)
Mum
Sure thing. What time suits you?
Nov 18, 11:34:40 AM
Me
2 ok?
Nov 18, 11:35:34 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds)
Mum
Yes. It will just be me, dad has a dentist appointment.
Nov 18, 11:36:22 AM
Me
Ok well how about another time that suits us all. After lunch, my afternoon is free
Nov 18, 11:38:19 AM
Mum
Would 1.00 be possible?
Nov 18, 11:39:36 AM
Me
It’s literally every interaction with you guys! 😂
Why would you tell me you want to see me, let me pick a time, and then are obviously fine if you both don’t see me after all?
Now you say 1 is best for you.
IMMEDIATELY after I told you the rest of my after noon is free.
Do you see what you’re doing?
Building me up and fucking me off.
Every. Single. Time.
Nov 18, 11:40:13 AM
Me
Your actions say otherwise.
I’ll see you another time maybe
Nov 18, 11:40:48 AM
Me
You’ve got a bit of soul searching to do 😅
Nov 18, 11:41:55 AM
Me
I’ve been through this for 37 years you morons.
Why would I possibly let the abuse continue?
Nov 18, 11:42:51 AM
Me
I’m loving this by the way.
It’s the greatest comedy show I have ever seen
Thanks 👍👍
Nov 18, 11:43:15 AM
Me
So much good material for my book 🫡
Nov 18, 11:47:27 AM
Me
Talk to Anne guys.
You can all puzzle it out together 🤔🤔
Nov 18, 11:48:27 AM
Me
(Because I’m clearly the problem. It couldn’t possibly be you… could it?)
Nov 18, 11:50:47 AM
Me
It is like watching toddlers fall and stumble over each other.
Have a great afternoon, life, whatever.
Reach out if you want to make progress. But I’ll have a careful eye out for any little magic trickies 👀 you try to pull. They aren’t that hard to see.
Nov 18, 12:09:21 PM
⇲
Me
👆
Nov 18, 11:54:14 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds)
Dad
There is no intention to pull you down
We want to catch up
We care for you
Nov 18, 11:54:33 AM
Me
Such kind words
Nov 18, 11:56:53 AM
Me
Thank you so much for the thought of fruit cake!
I know dad loves those!
What is my favourite cake/dessert?
Nov 18, 11:58:57 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds)
Mum
I thought 🍏🥧
Nov 18, 12:07:53 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds)
Mum
Can we see you at 2.00pm in the park?
Nov 18, 12:09:21 PM
⇱
Me
👆
This message responded to an earlier message.
Nov 18, 1:00:11 PM You named the conversation Porky Pie Wizards
Nov 18, 1:00:34 PM You changed the group photo.
Nov 18, 2:00:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 41 seconds)
Mum
At the park
Nov 18, 3:48:49 PM
Me
Whoa you’ve made progress already!?
Hang on a tic… this could be a thick magic trick! 🪄
I see you….
Nov 18, 3:49:32 PM
Me
This relationship will probably take more than a fruit cake to rebuild, you fruit cakes.
Nov 18, 4:23:05 PM
Me
Your words:
You know I love you mum/dad! (Grandma/Grandpa)
Your actions:
I think she’s going loopy.
She drones on and on and on.
He gives me the irrits!
Grrrr I have to put down my Insta to drive him to hospital.
I think he’s a bit depressed.
I think she’s getting dementia.
Oooh let’s dripfeed her Edmund’s estate money so she doesn’t blow it all on pokies!
Nov 18, 4:23:25 PM
Me
I see it. We see it.
All of your friends and family see it.
They’ve told me!
Nov 18, 4:32:34 PM
Me
I absolutely loved magic tricks as a kid.
I could always figure them out in the end 😘
Nov 18, 4:34:18 PM (Read by you after 1 second)
Mum
Yes you could. You even had a Magic Party.
Nov 18, 8:35:28 PM
Me
I know deep down in my heart that I’ll be an amazing father one day.
Always thought I was great with my cousins, and friends’ kids, but felt uneasy about my own.
Hope you’ll get see them one day.
Night
Nov 18, 8:37:08 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds)
Dad
Good night
You are great with people
Nov 18, 8:42:48 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds)
Mum
I’m sure you will be. Always King of the kids and engaging with them.
There’s no handbook about being a parent and sometimes you stuff up.
I put my hand up here.
I’ve been reading the information you sent.
Good night and sleep well. 😴
Nov 19, 6:12:55 AM
Me
Through grief, I know you can find peace.
I don’t have a lot of energy for those unwilling to change.
Hopefully you can feel something
Nov 19, 6:13:20 AM
Me
Campbell Family Ode
Grandpa is a record
Round and round he goes
Spinning old-time stories
To everyone he knows
Mum and dad don’t love me!
On and on he groans
Grandpa’s mind is not so fast
Slower than he knows
Doomed to keep repeating
Everything he moans
For he’s withheld his own deep love
From every child he’s known
Just what effect could that have?
It’s plain to see, it’s known
Nov 19, 7:40:07 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds)
Dad
We will continue to make enquires today
Nov 19, 9:54:36 AM
Me
Fuck yeah dude 🤙❤️
Nov 19, 1:32:25 PM
Me
I’m safe, I’m resting and I have company.
Please don’t worry if you don’t hear from me.
Nov 19, 1:51:53 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds)
Mum
Ok. Thank you for letting us know. 😘
Nov 19, 1:55:08 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 30 seconds)
Dad
We’ve just been to the GP
Will next arrange to see counselling
Thank you for your advice
Nov 19, 2:28:20 PM
Me
That makes me feel wonderful and loved ❤️
Your actions speak so highly
Letter to a grandfather
Grandpa,
Don’t overthink things… You’ve known the old man in the sky this whole time!
He can be a cranky bugger at times.
Love,
Bobby
by Anne Oldman
An old man is a record
Round and round he spins
Slinging old-time stories
At every one he knows
Daddy doesn’t love me!
On and on he groans
An old man’s mind is not so fast
Slower than he knows
Doomed to keep repeating
Everything he moans
For he’s withheld his own dear love
From every child he’s known
And what effect could this have?
It’s plain to see; it’s known
A record slowly spirals, he settles in its groove
Can an old man change the past?
An old man shall love himself
And every other child God knows
Additional resources
We just, like, keep figuring it out, man!
We're all helping each other. We reach out if needed, but mostly we leave each other be. All the shit you were truly in to was guiding us the whole time... Start being a cunt!
| 🚨 | I Raised This Stone as a Ghastly Memorial |
| 🤯 | The Meaning of Life |
| ⚙️ | Waking Up |
| 👁️ | 5-MeO-DMT (an investor guy I later met claimed Musk described this experience as interesting) |
| 🏋️ | Vipassana Meditation |
| 🔞 | "You know, you don't actually have to listen to the teachers..." |
| 🔼 | Triangle! Triangle! (...be-cause you're a Kant!) |
| 🎥 | All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace |
| 📖 | Antifragile: Things that Gain from Disorder |
| 💰 |
|
| 📖 | Atlas Shrugged |
| 📖 | The Case Against Reality: Why Evolution Hid the Truth from Our Eyes |
| 🧘 | Emotions, Beliefs, Suffering, Health, Relationships, Death & Money |
| 🎧 | Why did I think grieving was a bad thing! |
| 🧘 | Emotion and Shadow Work |
| 📖 | The Book of Not Knowing: Exploring the True Nature of Self, Mind, and Consciousness |
| 🤨 | "Enlightenment... isn't something that's commonly shared as possible, ya know?" |
| 🚑 | All models are wrong; some models are useful |
| 🧙 | Nookie, by philosopher Fred Durst |
| ⚕️ | Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (also known as the human condition) |
Sharing
Now Me
Yours cordially,
Bobadil Bruckner
